Worked example · Design Technology · Year 9
DCF: Interacting and collaborating → Communication
Also assessed, LNF: Literacy → Writing → Planning and organising for different purposes, audiences and context
A secure Year 9 response, annotated against the success criteria. Step 1: both emails fail almost every point; Email B has no attachment, so point 7 does not apply to it. The email goes To ysgolion@prenaplastig.example (Nia Hughes), Cc c.pugh@ysgolcwmarian.example only, with the reference DT-Y9-2611 in the subject line. Step 4: option 1, the 3 mm orange acrylic. The literacy evidence for the LNF judgement is the plan (Step 2) and the email (Step 3). Other wordings are fine if every detail is there and the register stays formal.
| Checklist point | A | B | Worst example |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1. Subject line | ✗ | ✗ | A: “stuff”. B: “RE: RE: RE: Y9 DT project info”, an old thread. |
| 2. Greeting, right person | ✗ | ✗ | A: “hiya”, sent to general enquiries. B: “Hey Nia!!” is too familiar. |
| 3. Purpose first | ✗ | ✗ | A asks them to send the goods, not a quote. B buries it in a 62-word sentence. |
| 4. Numbered details | ✗ | ✗ | A: “about 30 i think”. B: “150 by 90” with no units or thickness, and “loads”. |
| 5. Polite close | ✗ | ✗ | A: “how much is it??”. B: “URGENT!!!!” |
| 6. Signature | ✗ | ✗ | First name only, no school or role. |
| 7. Attachment name | ✗ | n/a | A: “final_final2.docx” says nothing and is never mentioned. |
| 8. To, Cc, Bcc | ✗ | ✗ | B: reply-all to 148 pupils, with the supplier only in Cc. |
| 9. No personal data | ✗ | ✗ | A: personal mobile number. B: home address and 148 pupils’ email addresses. |
| 10. Checked | ✗ | ✗ | A: “u”, “sum”, “lol”. B: capitals for shouting, “I think”. |
(b) The reply-all in Email B. It sends a pupil’s home address, and when she will be in, to 148 pupils and a company, which could put Ffion at risk. It also gives 148 pupils’ school email addresses to a business without their permission, and every reply will land in 148 inboxes. The school would have to deal with that, and the supplier gets a muddle instead of a request.
(c) A phone call is quicker and you can ask questions straight away, for example to check stock. An email gives a written record of the exact sizes and quantities, can be sent outside the 8am to 4.30pm phone hours, and lets Mrs Pugh be copied in. I would email, because the request is full of numbers that must not be misheard, and the supplier asks for quotes by email.
Judges each email point by point with a quotation as evidence, sees that the most serious failure is about data and safety, not spelling, and compares 2 ways of communicating for this purpose. Evidences criterion 1.
Purpose: to ask for a written quote (not an order) for pine and acrylic, cut to size, for 30 phone stands.
Audience: Nia Hughes, Education Sales Adviser. A professional who does not know me; she needs the materials, thicknesses, sizes in mm, quantities, date, address and reference.
Context: Year 9 Design Technology project, sent from school with Mrs Pugh in Cc; delivery needed by Friday 13 November 2026.
Register: formal. “Dear Ms Hughes” with “Yours sincerely”; no contractions; polite requests such as “Please could you”.
After reading, she should be able to write the quote without asking me a single question.
Paragraph plan: opening: school, quote for 30 phone stands, DT-Y9-2611 · details: 4 numbered lines from the cutting list · delivery: date, times, address, VAT and delivery shown separately · close: Mrs Pugh will order, thanks, signature with school phone.
Purpose, audience and context are worked out before writing, and the plan says what the reader needs, not just what the writer wants to say. Evidences criterion 3 and is the first piece of literacy evidence.
To: ysgolion@prenaplastig.example
Cc: c.pugh@ysgolcwmarian.example
Subject: Quote request DT-Y9-2611: pine and acrylic for 30 phone stands
Attachment: DT-Y9-2611-cutting-list.pdf
Dear Ms Hughes,
I am writing on behalf of the Design Technology department at Ysgol Cwm Arian to ask for a quote for the materials for 30 phone stands. Our order reference is DT-Y9-2611.
Please could you quote for the following pieces, cut to size:
The same cutting list is attached as DT-Y9-2611-cutting-list.pdf.
We need delivery by Friday 13 November 2026, between 8.30am and 3pm, to the Design Technology department, Ysgol Cwm Arian, Ffordd yr Afon, Bethesda, Gwynedd LL57 9ZZ. Please could you show VAT and the delivery charge separately?
My teacher, Mrs Carys Pugh, Head of Design Technology, is copied into this email and will place the order once we have your quote.
Thank you for your help. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
Rhian Edwards
Year 9 pupil, Design Technology department, Ysgol Cwm Arian
01632 960250
The right To and Cc, a subject line with the reference, and an attachment named for what it is (criterion 2). The purpose is in the first sentence; each paragraph does one job; the numbered list gives every size with its unit and thickness, so nothing can be misread; the signature gives the school number, not a personal one (criterion 4). The register is formal throughout, with no contractions (criterion 5). This is the main literacy evidence.
(a) Option 1. Mrs Pugh’s notes say the acrylic must be 3 mm because the laser cutter is set up for 3 mm, and that any bright colour is fine. Option 1 is also the same price, so the total stays at £126.00, inside the £150 budget.
(b) To: ysgolion@prenaplastig.example · Cc: c.pugh@ysgolcwmarian.example · Subject: RE: Quote request DT-Y9-2611: pine and acrylic for 30 phone stands
Dear Ms Hughes,
Thank you for your quick reply and for quote Q4471 (our reference DT-Y9-2611).
We would like option 1, the 3 mm fluorescent orange cast acrylic, for the 15 panels that were going to be green. Our laser cutter is set up for 3 mm acrylic, so 5 mm would not suit it, and option 1 keeps the price the same. Everything else in the quote is correct.
Please could you hold the stock for delivery on Thursday 12 November? Mrs Pugh, who is copied in, will confirm the order.
Kind regards,
Rhian Edwards
94 words. Replies in the same thread so the history stays together, quotes both references, makes a decision and justifies it from the teacher’s notes, and leaves the order to the person allowed to place it. Evidences criteria 5 and 6.