Worked example · English · Year 8
DCF: Producing → Evaluating and improving digital content
A secure Year 8 response and a full answer key, annotated so you can see which success criterion each part meets. Key answers: missing counts 6, 6, 7, 21, 35; total 309 words; mean 30.9; range 49; 6 sentences over 25 words, which is 60%; reading time 1.545 minutes = 1 minute 33 seconds, label 2 min read. The model rewrite has 201 words in 15 sentences, mean 13.4, no sentence over 25 words, label 1 min read. Pupils’ own rewrites will give different figures; check that their working is correct for their own version. Show this after pupils have tried the tasks themselves.
| Rule | Keeps or breaks | Evidence from the post |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Breaks | The headline is “Trip”. It does not say which trip, who went or what happened. |
| 2 | Keeps | The first sentence gives who (86 Year 8 pupils), what, where (National Slate Museum, Llanberis) and when (Thursday 12 March), although it is far too long. |
| 3 | Breaks | Mean of 30.9 words per sentence, and 6 sentences over 25 words (Step 2). |
| 4 | Breaks | The whole post is 1 paragraph of 10 sentences. |
| 5 | Breaks | No subheadings at all. |
| 6 | Breaks | The theatre trip deadline is in the very last sentence, after a thank-you. This is why parents are phoning. |
| 7 | Breaks | The link text is “here”. |
| 8 | Breaks | The alt text is a file name, “IMG_2231.jpg”, which tells a screen reader user nothing. |
| 9 | Breaks | No reading time is shown. |
Every judgement is backed by evidence from the post. The pupil notices that rule 2 is kept even though the sentence breaks rule 3, and links rule 6 to the real problem of parents phoning the office. Evidences criterion 1.
(a) Sentence 2: 6. Sentence 4: 6 (“slate-splitting” is 1 word). Sentence 7: 7 (“diary-writing” is 1 word). Sentence 8: 21. Sentence 9: 35.
(b) 55 + 6 + 47 + 6 + 46 + 41 + 7 + 21 + 35 + 45 = 309 words.
(c) 309 ÷ 10 = 30.9 words per sentence.
(d) Longest 55 (sentence 1). Shortest 6 (sentences 2 and 4). Range 55 − 6 = 49.
(e) Over 25 words: sentences 1, 3, 5, 6, 9 and 10 = 6. 6 ÷ 10 × 100 = 60%.
(f) 309 ÷ 200 = 1.545 minutes. 0.545 × 60 = 32.7 seconds, which rounds to 33. So 1 minute 33 seconds. To the nearest whole minute that is 2, so the label is “2 min read”.
Every answer shows its working. The pupil applies the counting rules (hyphenated words, £8 as 1 word) and converts the decimal part of a minute into seconds by multiplying by 60, rather than reading 1.545 minutes as “1 minute 54”. Evidences criteria 2 and 3.
1 min read
Year 8 split slate at the National Slate Museum
All 86 Year 8 pupils visited the National Slate Museum in Llanberis on Thursday 12 March. The museum is in the old workshops of the Dinorwig Quarry, beside Llyn Padarn. The visit was part of their History and English work on the lives of quarry families.
Next trip: reply by Friday 20 March
Year 8 are going to Venue Cymru in Llandudno on 2 April. Please return the reply slip and £8 to form tutors by Friday 20 March.
Read the letter about the Venue Cymru theatre trip
The giant waterwheel
Our guide had worked in a quarry for many years. He showed us the giant waterwheel that once powered every machine in the workshops. He explained that the whole quarry depended on it.
Splitting slate
Next, a craftsman split a thick block of slate into thinner and thinner pieces, using only a chisel and a mallet. Many pupils said this was the best part of the day. It looked easy, but it takes years to learn.
The quarry workers’ houses
After lunch, we visited a row of quarry workers’ houses that were moved to the museum. Each one shows a different time in the past. Pupils took notes for their diary-writing project.
Thank you
Thank you to the museum staff for a warm welcome, and to parents and carers for helping with the cost of the coach.
Alt text: Year 8 pupils in raincoats watch a craftsman split a block of slate with a chisel and mallet.
The headline is 9 words and says what happened. The deadline now has its own subheading and sits second, so a parent sees it without scrolling far. The link text says exactly where it goes. The alt text (18 words) describes what matters in the photo. The weather, the busy café and Mr Hughes’s comment were cut because parents do not need them. Every section has 3 sentences or fewer. Evidences criteria 4 and 5.
| Measure | Original post | Model version |
|---|---|---|
| Total words | 309 | 201 |
| Number of sentences | 10 | 15 |
| Mean sentence length | 30.9 | 13.4 |
| Longest sentence | 55 | 23 |
| Sentences over 25 words | 6 | 0 |
| Reading time label | 2 min read | 1 min read |
Working: 16 + 14 + 16 + 12 + 14 + 10 + 14 + 9 + 21 + 11 + 9 + 16 + 9 + 7 + 23 = 201. 201 ÷ 15 = 13.4. 201 ÷ 200 = 1.005 minutes, which is 1 minute to the nearest minute.
The same counting rules are used for both versions, so the comparison is fair. The headline, subheadings, link text and alt text are not counted. Evidences criteria 2 and 6.
My version is easier to read on a phone: the mean sentence length fell from 30.9 words to 13.4, and no sentence is now over 25 words, compared with 6 before. It is also 108 words shorter, so the reading time drops from 2 minutes to 1. The change that will stop parents phoning is moving the theatre trip deadline into its own section near the top, with the date in the subheading, because parents no longer have to read to the end of a long paragraph to find it.
Uses 3 accurate comparisons (mean, sentences over 25 words, total words and reading time), and links the most important change to the real problem the editor described. Evidences criterion 6.
Fall in mean: 30.9 − 13.4 = 17.5. 17.5 ÷ 30.9 × 100 = 56.6..., which is 57% for the model version.
At 250 words per minute: 309 ÷ 250 = 1.236 minutes = 1 minute 14 seconds, so the label would be “1 min read”.
Text message (140 characters): Yr 8 Venue Cymru theatre trip on 2 April: reply slip and £8 to form tutors by Fri 20 March. Letter on the school website. Ysgol Rhyd y Celyn