Cover lesson · RE · Year 8 · Intermediate
DCF: Interacting and collaborating → Collaboration
Name: Class: Date:
Print: this sheet and the stimulus sheet “A shared draft: our visit to a gurdwara”, one of each per pupil, because pupils mark up the stimulus. No computers are needed. Each pupil needs a pen and 4 coloured pencils (red, blue, green and orange); if colours run short, pupils can use the letter codes in the proofreading key instead.
Run: 5 min read “What you are doing” aloud, then pupils read the stimulus · 10 min Step 1, the comment audit · 7 min Step 2, the version history and ground rules · 13 min Step 3, proofreading · 8 min Step 4, fixing the two serious errors and the order · 8 min Step 5, the final paragraph · 4 min swap with a partner and tick the success criteria. Total 55 minutes.
Collect: this sheet, with the marked-up stimulus sheet stapled to it. Steps 1 and 2 are digital competence practice in working together in a shared document: judging and rewriting comments, and agreeing roles and ground rules. Steps 3 to 5 are also assessed literacy work in proofreading, editing and improving: the error table in Step 3 shows whether each pupil can find and correct spelling, punctuation and grammar errors and name each type, and the rewritten paragraph in Step 5 shows whether they can improve a piece of writing for its audience and proofread their own work. The pupils and the document are invented; the facts about Sikhism on the stimulus sheet are accurate.
Four Year 8 pupils, Cerys, Maya, Osian and Rhodri, visited a gurdwara (a Sikh place of worship) in Cardiff with their class. They are writing a report of the visit for the school website in one shared online document. The writing has mistakes, and so does the way they are working together: one comment is rude, one is useless, and someone has deleted another person’s work without asking.
You are going to sort out both problems. First you will judge how the group is working together and write better rules for them. Then you will proofread their draft, correct the facts about Sikhism, and rewrite one paragraph so it is ready to publish.
Use these marks on the stimulus sheet. Use the colour if you have it; write the letter code in the margin as well.
| Type of error | Code | Colour | Mark |
|---|---|---|---|
| Spelling (including there, their and they’re) | Sp | Red | Circle the word. Write the correct spelling above it. |
| Punctuation | P | Blue | Use ∧ (a caret) to insert a missing mark. Draw 3 short lines under a letter that should be a capital. Put a / through a comma that should be a full stop. |
| Grammar (including tense) | G | Green | Cross out the wrong word with one line. Write the right word above it. |
| Wrong fact | F | Orange | Wavy line under the words. Check them in the fact check box. |
| Disrespectful or careless wording | R | Orange | Wavy line under the words. |
| Repetition | Rep | Orange | Put brackets round the repeated words. |
| Paragraph in the wrong place | Order | Pencil | Write the new paragraph number in the margin. |
A good comment is kind (about the writing, not the person), specific (says exactly which words) and useful (says how to improve them). Judge comments A, B and C and suggestion D on the stimulus sheet.
| Item | Kind? | Specific? | Useful? | What should the group do with it? Why? |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| A (Maya) | ||||
| B (Rhodri) | ||||
| C (Osian) | ||||
| D (Osian’s suggestion) | Accept / Reject (circle one) because |
(a) Rewrite comment B so it is kind, specific and useful. Read paragraph 4 first and find a real problem in it for the comment to point to.
(b) Rewrite comment C so it is kind, specific and useful. Look at the highlighted sentence it is attached to.
(a) What did Cerys do at 21:47 on Wednesday, and whose work was it?
(b) Give 2 reasons why this was a problem for the group, and say what Cerys should have done instead.
(c) Look at how the versions are named. Why will “FINAL final!!” be no help if the group needs to go back to an older version?
(d) Give each pupil a role, so everyone knows who edits what. Choose from: lead editor (decides the final order and has the final say), fact checker (checks every fact about Sikhism), proofreader (spelling, punctuation and grammar), comment manager (makes sure every comment gets a reply and is resolved).
| Pupil | Role | What they may change directly, and what they should only suggest |
|---|---|---|
| Cerys | ||
| Maya | ||
| Osian | ||
| Rhodri |
(e) Write 4 ground rules for working in a shared document. Each rule should say exactly what to do.
| Topic | Our rule |
|---|---|
| 1. Suggesting or editing: when to use each mode | |
| 2. Comments: how to write them, and when to resolve them | |
| 3. Naming versions | |
| 4. Deleting or moving someone else’s work |
Mark up paragraphs 1 to 4 on the stimulus sheet using the proofreading key. There are 12 errors to find: spelling, punctuation, grammar, 1 wrong fact, 1 disrespectful phrase and 1 piece of repetition. Ignore suggestion D here; you judged it in Step 1. Then list every error in the table, in the order they appear.
| No. | Para. | Wrong words, copied exactly | Code | Correction |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | ||||
| 2 | ||||
| 3 | ||||
| 4 | ||||
| 5 | ||||
| 6 | ||||
| 7 | ||||
| 8 | ||||
| 9 | ||||
| 10 | ||||
| 11 | ||||
| 12 |
Count your errors by code: Sp ...... · P ...... · G ...... · F ...... · R ...... · Rep ......
(a) Rewrite the sentence with the wrong fact so it is accurate. Use the fact check box, and say why the food is like that.
(b) Rewrite the disrespectful sentence so it is respectful and tells the reader why visitors do this.
(c) The paragraphs are in a confusing order for a reader. Should paragraph 5, “What we learned”, be restored? Write the best order of paragraph numbers, including 5 if you would restore it, and give your reason.
Best order: ...... , ...... , ...... , ...... , ......
Rewrite paragraph 2, “The langar”, so it is ready for the school website. Remember your readers are parents, carers and other pupils who may never have visited a gurdwara.
Proofread your own paragraph. Tick each box when you have checked it.