Cover teacher — you need no subject knowledge
Print: this sheet, one per pupil. The job advert and the bad email are both printed on it. If there are computers, pupils type the final email in Outlook or Gmail as a draft and never send it — the recipient address is fictional. No computers needed: the writing frame on page two works as a paper draft.
Run: 5 min read the advert and the bad email · 10 min mark up the bad email using the fault list — there are ten faults and the count is on this sheet · 10 min complete the "before and after" table · 20 min write your own application email in the frame · 5 min swap and check against the criteria.
Collect: this sheet from every pupil. If they typed the email, ask them to print the draft or leave it saved — nothing is sent.
What you are doing
You are going to fix somebody else's disastrous job email, then write your own for the same vacancy. The point is not politeness for its own sake: an employer reading forty applications uses tone, subject line and spelling to decide which ten to actually read.
The vacancy
Saturday Retail Assistant — Bryn Coed Garden Centre, Wrexham
8 hours per Saturday, 09:00–17:30 with a break. Age 16+. Duties: serving customers on the till, watering and tidying the plant benches, helping customers find products, keeping the café area clear.
We are looking for someone reliable, willing to work outdoors in all weathers, and comfortable talking to customers. No experience needed — we will train you.
To apply, email Mrs Catrin Hughes, Store Manager, at recruitment@bryncoedgardencentre.example telling us why you want the job and when you are available. Closing date: Friday 9 May.
This vacancy and this address are both made up for the lesson. Do not send anything to them.
The email that did not get a reply
From: bigdog_2009@example.net
To: recruitment@bryncoedgardencentre.example
Subject: (no subject)
hiya
saw ur advert, im interested. i seen that u need someone for saturdays and i
recon i would be alright at it lol. i aint got no experiance but my mate said
its easy money. how much does it pay??? also can i start at 11 cos im not
great in the mornings.
my mum says im hard working when i want to be.
send us a text back on this number and let me know yeah
cheers
There are ten faults. Mark them on the printed email, then list them in the table below with the fix.
Step by step
- 5 min — Read the advert and the bad email. Underline anything that would make you bin it if it were your business.
- 10 min — Find all ten faults. Categories to look for: address, subject, greeting, register, spelling, what they ask for first, what they fail to answer, how they want to be replied to, sign-off, and evidence.
- 10 min — Complete the "before and after" table. Your fix must be a rewritten line, not "be more polite".
- 20 min — Write your own application email for the same vacancy in the frame on page two. Answer both things the advert asks for.
- 5 min — Swap with a partner. Tick their work against the success criteria and name the single strongest sentence in their email.
Before and after
| # |
The fault (quote it) |
The fix (write the line properly) |
| 1 | | |
|---|
| 2 | | |
|---|
| 3 | | |
|---|
| 4 | | |
|---|
| 5 | | |
|---|
| 6 | | |
|---|
| 7 | | |
|---|
| 8 | | |
|---|
| 9 | | |
|---|
| 10 | | |
|---|
Your application email
| From (a sensible address) | |
|---|
| To | recruitment@bryncoedgardencentre.example |
|---|
| Subject | |
|---|
Phrase bank
- Greeting when you have a name: "Dear Mrs Hughes," — when you do not: "Dear Sir or Madam,"
- Opening: "I am writing to apply for the Saturday Retail Assistant position advertised on…"
- Evidence: "In Year 10 I have…, which taught me to…"
- Availability: "I am available every Saturday from 09:00 to 17:30, including the school holidays."
- Closing: "Thank you for considering my application. I would be glad to come in for an interview."
- Sign-off: "Yours sincerely," with a name — use "Yours faithfully," if you began "Dear Sir or Madam".
Success criteria
- My subject line tells the reader which job I mean before they open the email.
- I match the register to the reader: no text spellings, no slang, no emoji, and a greeting and sign-off that agree with each other.
- I answer both questions the advert asked — why I want the job and when I am available.
- I give evidence for what I claim about myself instead of just asserting it.
- I proofread: no spelling errors, correct capital letters, and a reply route the employer can actually use.
If you finish early
- Write the two-line email you would send on 16 May if you had heard nothing back. Chasing without nagging is its own skill.
- Write the reply you would send accepting an interview for 10:00 on Wednesday when you have a Maths assessment at 09:30.
- Rewrite your email as a message to a school friend. List every change you made, and explain what each change tells you about audience.