Cover lesson · Computer Science · Year 11 · Advanced
LNF: Literacy → Writing → Proofreading, editing and improving
Name: Class: Date:
What this practises: literacy (writing) in Computer Science. Pupils proofread and edit a weak test commentary for spelling, punctuation, vague wording, wrong technical terms, missing evidence and structure, then redraft it and respond to a partner’s feedback. This builds towards the written commentary on testing and refining in GCSE Computer Science Unit 2 (Sections 2.3.1 and 2.4.1). This is practice with an invented program. It is not assessed work.
Print: this sheet, one per pupil, and the stimulus sheet “Sinema Aberlliw: the ticket price bug and Ifan’s commentary”, one between two. Pupils need a pen and a different coloured pen for editing. No computers are needed: pupils do not run the program.
Run: 6 min read the stimulus and do Step 1 · 10 min Step 2, proofreading · 6 min Step 3, precise terms · 6 min Step 4, structure · 16 min Step 5, the redraft · 6 min Step 6, partner feedback, then success criteria. Total 50 minutes.
Step 6 pairs: pupils swap sheets with the person next to them, read the partner’s Step 5 redraft, tick the checklist and write one comment. They swap back and make one improvement in a different colour.
Collect: this sheet. The worked example has every answer and a model redraft. Key point: the bug is a logic error, not a syntax error. Line 4 should say age >= 65.
Ifan found and fixed a bug, but his commentary does not show it. It has spelling mistakes, vague words, a wrong technical term and no evidence. A reader cannot tell what he did. You will proofread it, edit it and write a version that is accurate, precise and honest.
(a) Trace Ifan’s program in section 2. What price does it give for each age?
| Age | 11 | 12 | 64 | 65 | 66 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Price given | |||||
| Correct? |
(b) Which line is wrong, and what should it say?
Read Ifan’s draft in section 4 slowly, one sentence at a time. Find 10 problems and write them in the table. Use these codes: Sp spelling, P punctuation, G grammar, V vague, T wrong technical term, E missing evidence, H not honest or not true.
| Ifan wrote | Code | Correction or what is missing |
|---|---|---|
Rewrite each phrase precisely, using section 5.
| Ifan wrote | Precise version |
|---|---|
| it didnt work | |
| a sintax error on line 4 | |
| I changed the thing on line 4 | |
| it works now | |
| when you type a word it crashs |
A good commentary has 3 parts. Write which of Ifan’s sentences (1 to 7) belong in each part, and what is missing from each part.
| Part | Ifan’s sentences | What is missing |
|---|---|---|
| What went wrong and why | ||
| What I changed | ||
| How I retested, and what still needs work |
Write Ifan’s commentary again, in 3 paragraphs, in about 150 words. Use the past tense for what you did. Include the test numbers, inputs and results. Be honest about the erroneous input.
Partner: tick each point the redraft meets, then write one comment.
Failed test named with input, expected and actual ☐ Correct type of error ☐ Exact change and line ☐ Retest evidence ☐ Honest about test 6 ☐ No spelling or punctuation errors ☐
Partner’s comment:
My response: what I changed after the feedback, and why.