Presentation: Editing a Shared Document about a Gurdwara Visit

Slide 1 of 7 · Settling starter · RE · Year 8

5 minutes

Editing a shared document about a gurdwara visit

Four Year 8 pupils, Cerys, Maya, Osian and Rhodri, visited a gurdwara (a Sikh place of worship) in Cardiff with their class. They are writing a report for the school website in one shared online document. The writing has mistakes, and so does the way they are working together: one comment is rude, one is useless, and someone has deleted another person’s work without asking.

While the register is called: write your name, class and date on your worksheet, then read the whole stimulus sheet, A shared draft: our visit to a gurdwara, including the fact check box on the last page.

Starter question: Who deleted paragraph 5, “What we learned”, and whose work was it?

DCF: Interacting and collaborating → Collaboration No computers needed · pen and 4 coloured pencils

Supply teacher script (no subject knowledge needed)

Hand out: one worksheet and one stimulus sheet per pupil (pupils mark up the stimulus, so nobody shares). Each pupil needs a pen and 4 coloured pencils: red, blue, green and orange. If colours run short, pupils write the letter codes from the proofreading key in the margin instead. The pupils and the document are invented; the facts about Sikhism in the fact check box are accurate.

Say aloud: “Write your name, class and date at the top of your worksheet. While I take the register, read the whole stimulus sheet: the draft, the 4 comments, the version history and the fact check box on the last page. Then answer the starter question in rough.”

Starter answer: Cerys Hughes deleted it at 21:47 on Wednesday 11 March. It was Maya Thomas’s work (52 words), and Cerys left no comment or message.

Slide 2 of 7 · Today’s brief and key words · RE · Year 8

3 minutes

Your brief: fix how the group works, then fix the writing

First you will judge how the group is working together and write better rules for them. Then you will proofread their draft, correct the facts about Sikhism, and rewrite one paragraph so it is ready to publish.

A good comment

Kind (about the writing, not the person), specific (says exactly which words) and useful (says how to improve them).

Suggesting mode

A change the writer can accept or reject, instead of editing their words directly.

Version history

The list of who changed what and when, so older versions can be restored.

Proofreading key

Sp red, P blue, G green, F and R and Rep orange, Order in pencil. It is on your worksheet.

LNF: Literacy → Writing → Proofreading, editing and improving Readers are parents, carers and pupils who may never have visited a gurdwara

Slide 3 of 7 · Steps 1 and 2: comments, versions and ground rules · RE · Year 8

14 minutes

Step 1 & Step 2: the comment audit, then the version history and ground rules

Step 1 (7 min): judge comments A, B and C and suggestion D, then rewrite B and C so they are kind, specific and useful.

Item	Kind?	Specific?	Useful?	What should the group do with it? Why?
A (Maya)	Yes	Yes	Yes	Make the change, reply to say it is done, then resolve it. Maya points to the exact words, explains why website readers will be confused, and gives a better version.

Step 2 (7 min): answer (a) to (c) about the version history, give each pupil a role (lead editor, fact checker, proofreader, comment manager), then write 4 ground rules that say exactly what to do.

Steps 1 and 2 on your worksheet · 14 minutes Comment on the writing, not the person

Supply teacher script (no subject knowledge needed)

Say aloud: “The first row of the Step 1 table is on the board. Judge B, C and D the same way, then rewrite comments B and C. Read paragraph 4 first for B, and look at the highlighted sentence for C. Then Step 2: the version history, a role for each pupil and 4 ground rules.”

Quick check, Step 1: B (Rhodri): No, No, No. Delete and replace it: it attacks the writer (“who wrote this??”, “rubbish”) and does not say which words are wrong. C (Osian): Partly, Partly, No. Replace it: it is on the right sentence but “this is bad” gives nothing to act on. D: Reject, because the Bible is the Christian holy book; Sikhs always call their scripture the Guru Granth Sahib, as the fact check box says. A good rewrite of B quotes “weird bandanas which looked well funny” and suggests “we covered our heads as a sign of respect, using scarves the gurdwara lent us”. A good rewrite of C says “really interesting” is used 3 times and offers one real detail instead.

Quick check, Step 2: (a) At 21:47 on Wednesday Cerys deleted 52 words, paragraph 5 “What we learned”, Maya’s work, with no message. (b) Maya did not know her work had gone, and the report lost its only paragraph about what the visit taught them; Cerys should have left a comment or used Suggesting mode and let the group decide. (c) “FINAL final!!” does not say what changed, and older versions only have dates and times. Accept any roles and rules that do the same job as the worked example, for example “Never delete or move someone else’s work; leave a comment or a suggestion and wait until the writer agrees.”

Slide 4 of 7 · Step 3: proofread the draft · RE · Year 8

13 minutes

Step 3: find all 12 errors and list them in order

Mark up paragraphs 1 to 4 on the stimulus sheet using the proofreading key. There are 12 errors: spelling, punctuation, grammar, 1 wrong fact, 1 disrespectful phrase and 1 piece of repetition. Ignore suggestion D here. Then list every error in the table, in the order they appear, and count them by code.

No.	Para.	Wrong words, copied exactly	Code	Correction
1	1	our first time inside a gurdwarra	Sp	gurdwara
2	1	Guru Nanaks teachings	P	Guru Nanak’s teachings (missing apostrophe)

Step 3 on your worksheet · 13 minutes Copy the wrong words exactly, then name the type with its code

Supply teacher script (no subject knowledge needed)

Say aloud: “13 minutes. Mark each error on the stimulus sheet with the right colour and mark from the key, then list all 12 in the table in the order they appear. The first 2 are on the board. Finish by counting how many of each code you found.”

Quick check: 3. para 1, “really interesting” used 3 times, Rep. 4. para 2, “wich”, Sp, which. 5. para 2, “serves meat dishes like chicken curry”, F, langar food is always vegetarian. 6. para 2, “a volunteer gives us”, G, gave. 7. para 3, “The hall was quiet, we sat on the floor”, P, 2 sentences joined with only a comma. 8. para 3, “we was given”, G, we were given. 9. para 3, “it was soft and warm.”, P, capital I. 10. para 4, “seperate”, Sp, separate. 11. para 4, “cover there heads”, Sp, their. 12. para 4, “weird bandanas which looked well funny”, R. Totals: Sp 4, P 3, G 2, F 1, R 1, Rep 1.

Walk the room: “Last Thursday, Class 8CA” is not one of the 12 (comment A deals with it), but give credit if a pupil fixes it as an extra.

Slide 5 of 7 · Steps 4 and 5: fix the serious problems, then write the final paragraph · RE · Year 8

14 minutes

Step 4 & Step 5: fix the fact, the wording and the order, then rewrite “The langar”

Step 4 (8 min): (a) rewrite the sentence with the wrong fact using the fact check box, and say why the food is like that; (b) rewrite the disrespectful sentence so it tells the reader why visitors do this; (c) decide whether to restore paragraph 5 and write the best order of paragraphs with your reason.

Step 5 (6 min): rewrite paragraph 2, “The langar”, for the school website: correct every error, explain langar and seva, past tense, 80 to 120 words, neat. Then tick the 5 proofreading boxes.

Model opening: “At the end of the visit, we went to the langar, the free kitchen that every gurdwara has. Anyone is welcome to eat there, and nobody pays.”

Steps 4 and 5 on your worksheet · 14 minutes, Step 5 in silence Every fact must match the fact check box

Supply teacher script (no subject knowledge needed)

Say aloud: “8 minutes for Step 4, then 6 minutes in silence for Step 5. A model opening is on the board; carry on in your own words, explain langar and seva for someone who has never visited a gurdwara, and stay in the past tense. Proofread your paragraph and tick the 5 boxes.”

Quick check, Step 4: (a) The langar serves only vegetarian food, such as dal, rice and chapatis, so that anyone can eat it, whatever their religion or diet. (b) Everyone covers their head in the prayer hall as a sign of respect, so we put on scarves that the gurdwara lent us. (c) Best order 1, 4, 3, 2, 5: time order, introduction, arriving, prayer hall, then the langar, which happened “at the end of the visit”; yes, restore paragraph 5 as the ending because it explains what the visit taught them and it was deleted without the group agreeing.

Walk the room, Step 5: look for “which” spelled correctly, no meat dishes, “gave” not “gives”, langar explained as the free kitchen open to everyone, seva explained as selfless service done without expecting anything back, and 80 to 120 words. Facts that are always true may stay in the present tense (“Langar food is always vegetarian”).

Slide 6 of 7 · Partner check · RE · Year 8

4 minutes

Swap with a partner and check against the success criteria

Swap worksheets. Tick each criterion your partner has met and tell them 1 error they missed. Then take your sheet back and correct it.

I can judge whether a comment is kind, specific and useful, and rewrite an unhelpful comment so it points to exact words and says how to improve them.
I can explain what went wrong in the version history and agree roles and ground rules covering suggesting, comments, naming versions and other people’s work.
I can find spelling, punctuation and grammar errors, mark them with proofreading marks, correct them and name each type in a table.
I can correct a wrong fact and a disrespectful phrase so the report is accurate and respectful about Sikh beliefs and practices.
I can reorder the paragraphs and rewrite a paragraph for readers of the school website, then proofread my own final version.

4 minutes · partner check Finished early? Write Maya’s message to Cerys, under 40 words

Supply teacher script (no subject knowledge needed)

Say aloud: “Swap with the person next to you. Tick the success criteria they have met and tell them 1 error they missed, for example a spelling they did not circle or a comma joining 2 sentences. Take your own sheet back and correct that 1 thing.”

Extension answers: Maya’s message should be kind and specific, naming the paragraph and when it was deleted and asking to restore it and decide together. A caption for the Nishan Sahib: “The Nishan Sahib, a tall flagpole with a triangular orange flag showing the Khanda, stands outside the gurdwara so people can find it.” “Last Thursday” is a problem because a web page stays online for months, so the real date, Thursday 5 March 2026, keeps the report accurate whenever it is read.

Slide 7 of 7 · Plenary review · RE · Year 8

2 minutes

Quick-check answers before handing in

Check your main answers before your worksheets are collected.

Question	Correct answer
Should the group accept suggestion D, “the Sikh bible”?	Reject it. The Bible is the Christian holy book; the Sikh scripture is always called the Guru Granth Sahib.
What is the wrong fact in paragraph 2, and what is correct?	“Meat dishes like chicken curry”. Langar food is always vegetarian, so anyone can eat it.
What is the best paragraph order, and how many errors were there in total?	1, 4, 3, 2, 5, with paragraph 5 restored. 12 errors: Sp 4, P 3, G 2, F 1, R 1, Rep 1.

Staple your marked-up stimulus sheet to your worksheet Check your name and class are on the front